The Reason (why) I sing

I'm in Kyoto, Japan. 

The "NESS" of that statement, fills my heart with so much gratitude & humility at this moment, it's almost overwhelming. As it SHOULD be. A little suburban urbanite like myself from Cincinnati, Ohio SHOULD, in my humble opinion, feel what I'm feeling at this very moment. However, when I awoke this morning.. I was feeling overwhelmed, but not in a good way. 

I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I was overwhelmed by being UNDERwhelmed with myself. I felt inadequate, and I felt fraudulent. I felt like SOMEHOW, I'd managed to DUPE a bunch of people into believing that I was some "special talent"...and that the truth of the matter is that I'm just an "ok" singer, with a lot of excuses as to why I couldn't do what I'd come aaaaaaaall the way to japan to do. 

My voice hasn't been in top condition in WEEKS... I've been battling negative thoughts, worry, and anxiety about it... This morning, I was LOSING that battle.

Today I gave an 80 min concert in chapel at Doshisha University. Due to the powerful combo pack of anxiety & jet lag from a 14hr time difference between home&here; I awoke about 6hrs before my alarm was set. I tried to pray.. ACTUALLY... I didn't really try to pray... I was more WHINING at God about how STUPID and INADEQUATE I was feeling... I also tried as much as I could to do some vocal warm ups...

Anyway.... To make a long story short.. After reaching out to friends on FB and asking for prayer... I went and did what I came here to do. As usual for me, as I poured my heart out in song, I forgot all about my worries. I forgot all about who I am and focused who HE is... And everything was beautiful. My perspective was back in the right place, and I was all too grateful for it.

After the concert, I was approached by several students who expressed their appreciation for my ministry. I gave a Christmas concert. A Christmas concert at nearly any college in America is nothing to really pay any special attention to. Doshisha University was the 1st Christian college in Japan, but most of it's students aren't Christian at all. So when a young male student approached me with his eyes filled to overflowing with tears, and told me that while I sang, he felt LOVED and that Christmas and the message of Christmas was for HIM, personally... I thought that my heart would stop... 

Later in the afternoon, I spent time with a beautiful young lady who is also a student at Doshisha. We spent a couple of hours in conversation together. (THANK GOD for my incredible host, who served as a translator for the both of us.)

In that time she shared some of the issues that she was facing. Very deep, serious and personal issues... As soon as she began to tell me her story my eyes filled with tears. As I listened to her questions and concerns my mind went back to how I was feeling just hours before. How Ill-equipped and inadequate I'd felt. As she told me her story I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I HAD been equipped for this trip, and not only that, I'd been HAND PICKED by God for it. I KNEW, really and truly knew that I'd been sent, over 15,000 miles away from home to come and bring MYSELF, all of myself... hoarse voice, flaws and all to japan, to minister. 

One of the questions I was asked while we spoke was, "Why do you sing Gospel music?" She elaborated on her question and asked why I CHOOSE to travel across the world to sing about Jesus. I could tell as I shared MORE of my testimony with her, that she was very shocked to know that she and I had very similar stories. In my opinion, neither one of us look at ALL like people who have experienced the kind of pain that we have. The candor and purity of her question struck me. I realized in that moment that I'd never been asked that question in that way. I searched my heart and gave her the most honest answer that I could. I choose to sing gospel music, I choose to "sacrifice" my time, my finances, and many other things because HE chose me. He chose to save me from the darkness that would have overtaken me. He chose to free me from the pain of the evil done to me at the hands of others, and he chose to free me of the pain I caused myself. 

I don't say this poetically, I mean this truthfully and entirely... I SHOULD BE DEAD. There is NO other reason that I am alive today, BESIDES the Redeeming Love of Jesus. I was reminded today of the reason that I sing the songs that I sing, the way that I do. I have been loved, truly loved by the God of the universe. I have known the deepest depths of the darkest anguish, and I know by HEART, the song of the redeemed. 

Today, I was reminded MYSELF of the reason that I sing... That reminder would have been precious to me had I been in PERFECT voice and able to sing every note I choose without hesitation, thought, or struggle. BUT, something in my own frailty, causes the reminder to be even more sweet, dear, and cherished....

I sing because, I am LOVED.. Truly loved, by God.

The Healing began, and continues...( A post in honor of Mo' & a testament to a FAITHFUL God)

**Disclaimer: THIS post is gonna be a long one. I've MUCH to say, and don't reeeeally wanna be bothered with monitoring a word count... So I understand if you just wanna wait til the next post to read.. Hahaha**

Man. I can't believe how long it's been since my last post. It feels like time has flown by, with more speed than normal. Maybe it just seems that way because I'm getting SOOOO OLD... Lol. I don't know..

I'm writing this post from my hotel room in Osaka, Japan. I left for Japan on Thursday, December 4th. I've only been gone for 3 days but the days are already merging into one big blurb. I can't tell ya if it's Sunday or Wednesday... But I can tell you that it's been a wonderful trip so far.

The last time I was here was in September of 2011, and my dear friend and brother Maurice Carter had passed away months earlier in June. Maurice and a few others from my church, went to Japan months earlier in June. Maurice went home to be with Jesus, the day after they returned to the States. The loss was devastating. The SHOCK and disbelief... The pain... Monumental. It left all of us who knew him closely in more pain than we knew how to process.

When our team came to Japan in September, the pain of our loss was still palpable. Not just among those of us from America, but for those who'd met him while he ministered here... I marveled at the stories and testimonies I heard from "strangers" he'd only had one conversation with, who credited him for changing their lives. 

A beautiful song came from our pain entitled, "The Healing Has Begun". It's words were true. The more we ministered and sang, the more we prayed and cried; the more we witnessed and poured ourselves out.... The more healing came to out hearts. 

I for one, was inspired by the legacy and testimony of my friend, to live each day as if it could be my last. I became more mindful than I'd been before, that life is but a vapor. It's fleeting. Here one day and then suddenly gone. Your testimony is what lives on... I vowed to myself that I would live ON PURPOSE like I'd seen my friend Maurice do. 

He and I had countless conversations over the years where we talked about what our purpose was on this earth, and how hard it can be to pursue it with reckless abandon at times. 

When you choose to live in and on purpose, your relationships with loved ones are often challenged. Folks who truly love you, can hurt your heart terribly because they can't for the life of them understand why you'd CHOOSE to live the way you do. Financial peace can be hard to come by sometimes... Having love and romance in your life can seem impossible.. Your friends may feel slighted at times because you're always seemingly too busy for them. Many times it seems like you're working in vain. You find yourself feeling discouraged & alone when after years and years of hard work, faith and perseverance, your life doesn't look the way you thought that it would after all you've given up, to live the life that you were called to live. 

Maurice and I talked about this ad nauseum. We wiped each other's tears away many nights. My 1st visit to Japan left me more encouraged and determined than ever before to unashamedly be who God created me to be, and to work towards that end with reckless abandon! 

I received words of prophecy about the season I was about to enter in personal ministry by several people while we were in Japan.

All of the messages given to me said that God was about to send ME forth, into the nations. They spoke of the dreams and visions I've had about myself since I was a little girl. I was told that this new season was SWIFTLY approaching... And boy were they right.

When our team left Japan our hearts were so full it seemed like they'd burst. I could not WAIT to return the next year with our crew and minister again. Well...time moved on, and I moved to Orlando a few months later to be the worship leader for an awesome church in Orlando, New Beginnings Church. I didn't go with that team again any of their subsequent visits to Japan. *I may or may NOT have been slightly jealous of that fact... I can't say. Lol*

This year has been a BIGGIE for me in the way of the growth and further development of my own ministry. I set the  goal of having 3-4 songs recorded for my album before the year was up and I DID IT!! 

It wasn't easy. At times it seemed like NOTHING was going right. I battled hoarseness caused by seasonal allergies for MONTHS... I battled fear. I battled pride.... But God remained faithful, and I DID it.

My being in Japan right now is a testament to the faithfulness of God. He is doing what he promised to and I love him so much for it.

Today I have my first of several concerts. I've also been asked to preach. (ME.. PREACHING..AAAAGHHH!!! Lol)

I'll be honest and tell you that I'm a bit apprehensive at the moment. My voice still isn't fully back and I really feel quite limited.. Like I'm only working with about 12 and a half GOOD notes to my range kind of limited. It's NOT FUN. 

I'll be even MORE honest and tell you that I'm also feeling a tad disappointed. For nearly an entire year I've been working hard to make this trip happen, and now I'm here... But my voice is NOT... Fortunately, I know enough about how God works in situations like this to know that he's got it all under control, ESPECIALLY when I don't, and that's the only reason I'm not laying in bed this morning, crying a river... 

If I'm not mistaken, there was a point when Maurice was ministering here when his voice caused him some trouble as well... Did it stop HIM from giving his all, in every imagineable way? No. It did not. I'm not gonna let it stop me either.

Here's to the faithfulness of God, and the legacy of my buddy Mo'! I want to make God proud of me while I'm here!! It'd be awesome to think that Maurice would e proud of me a little bit too!

Now... If you'll excuse me, I've got to go work on my Japanese. I'm SUPPOSED to sing " Let it Go" from the movie Frozen today, partially in Japanese... And I've got to go Iron my PRIESTLY ROBES for my sermon today. PRAY for me!! Hahaha

Arigato!!!

~Lici~